Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Today was an adventure.
I slept until 10 (god bless you, late arrival), but had to stay late at school for absence make-up (damn you to hell, truancy law). But in the mean time, I did think up a cute new template for this darn thing. As soon as I have access to the family scanner, I can fix 'er up.
At 4:30, Steph, Amanda and I raced to S&S... We've been there three days in a row now, and it's almost sad that we won't be back until graduation. I love that place. And Drew is friggin' adorable. During my session, in a slightly painful moment, I started lightly moaning, and he said, "You're welcome?"... It was cute... and a little embarassing. All in all, I want another tattoo as soon as possible.
Later in the day, we added Reese to our group and went to see
Monster at the dollar movies. We got there a little (hour and a half) early, so we grabbed some ice cream and sat around making weird noises. Ah, the perks of being immature.
Monster was a better movie the first time I saw it. None of us could really sit still through it, and we left with only 20 minutes remaining.
So, on to IHOP. It was Judy's 20th birthday, so she got a free sundae. But did I get anything for sitting next to the birthday girl? NO. Not a damn thing. Oh... Happy birthday, Judy.
Now I'm sitting at home, bored out of my mind, eating lunch meat. My, what an exciting life I lead.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:52 |
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Monday, April 26, 2004
So tonight was the big concert... the one I've been waiting over a month for... Death Cab and Ben Kweller... And it was almost as amazing as I thought it might be. I say 'almost' because Steph, Amanda and I stayed through the opening band (eh), and part of Death Cab's set. I would have loved to stay longer, but we had to race to the tattoo parlor...
Steph was getting her nipples pierced (how much are nipples?!), and Amanda and I were both getting our first tattoos... except that the piercest had left the building, and the parlor was closing in 30 minutes... not nearly enough time for two tattoos...
And then there was Drew...
Drew saved the day by staying late on his shift, giving me a piece of gum, and giving Amanda her tattoo and a soda when the blood drained from her face. Okay, so Steph and I lucked out... But she's going back tomorrow (if we have to drag her), and I have an appointment with the marvelous Drew on Wednesday at 3. Me, an appointment at the tattoo parlor... ME...
Anyway, the three of us left giggling like school girls (horny school girls, in Steph's words), with crushes on the cute tattoo artist who has eyes that go "Chaka Khan."
Boy, do they ever.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:01 |
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Thursday, April 22, 2004
I love hanging out with the girls. Steph, Amanda, Val and I made sushi today, and watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Amanda is now addicted to that movie, and is getting a tattoo like the "origin of love" one. Awesomeness all around.
Logan called today; says he's doing well. He got out of rehab not too long ago, and I think he's living with Shawn again. I really miss hanging out with him. He was a really fun guy, even when I was being a bitch. Anyway, it was good to hear from him.
Mom and I are leaving tomorrow for Vegas. Robby was a sweetheart, and saved the day by offering to drive us to the airport. He's a great guy, that one.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 18:18 |
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Tuesday, April 20, 2004
My nails are now stubs. I'm not sure why I've been biting them, but now every one of my finger tips hurt. I even chew on the raw skin that's left, and no matter how often I tell myself to cut it out, before I can even think one more hateful word, I catch myself knawing. Maybe it's nerves. You know, I hate flying. And I hate visiting strangers. And I hate waking up for school every morning. Yep. It's gotta be nerves.
Mom and I leave for Vegas on Friday morning. She and Mark broke up last night, so we need to find a new shmuck to drive us to the airport. Gonna be there through Sunday.
Monday night, Amanda, Steph and I are going to see Death Cab for Cutie and Ben Kweller. Robby's meeting us there. Afterward, I'm getting my first tattoo. Always exciting.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 19:48 |
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Monday, April 19, 2004
Just when I was about to give up on the whole "love" thing, my brother and sister-in-law have to go and be cute, and make me yearn for kisses, and hugs, and sharing a blanket with someone other than Toby.
valerie and david, sitting in a godforsaken tree
Valerie: david made me blush! go see! lol *omit all the molestation talk in previous posts* <.< >.>;;
Beth: lol
V: ^.^;;;;;
B: omitted
V: XD YAY
B: hehe, valerie tiddlywinks
V: ^.^=
B: he holds you sweetly every night! i need one of those valerie!
V: XD HAHAHA. ur related to one.. LOL I'll hold u sweetly!!
B: it's just my luck the only decent guy in the world is my brother. damn you luck. damn you to hell
V: HAHAHAHA aww
B: you guys need babies... so i can spoil them
V: hugs~ NYUUU
B: lol
V: babies come later. LATER. XD
B: hehe. fun first, then babies?
V: XD, darn right
B: i'll keep them warm for you
V: oops- i mean, HAHAHAHA
B: i hear babies like being sat on... reminds 'em of the womb
V: LMAO
.:dr0wningophelia:. 19:58 |
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Saturday, April 17, 2004
Franz Ferdinand : "Shopping for Blood"
I live in the Merchant City, drive a 4x4
I eat M&S, it tastes of nothing
I taste of nothing
I am the New Scottish Gentry
Anglified vowels, sub London thoughts
I am the New Scottish Gentry
Anglified vowels, sub London thoughts
So I'm shopping, shopping for blood
Oh, I'm shopping, shopping for blood
So I'm shopping, shopping for blood
Oh, I'm shopping, shopping for blood
So it's leather for leisure and velcro for sport
It's a first appearance and a new suit for court
It's leather for leisure and velcro for sport
It's a first appearance and a new suit for court
I am the New Scottish Gentry
Anglified vowels, sub London thoughts
I am the New Scottish Gentry
Anglified vowels, sub media thoughts
So I'm shopping - shopping for blood
I'm shopping - shopping for blood
So I'm shopping - shopping for blood
I'm shopping - shopping for blood
.:dr0wningophelia:. 14:53 |
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Indubitably.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 00:31 |
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Thursday, April 15, 2004
I have no idea what to think. I feel as though I'm the instigator. Always looking for trouble, looking for drama, when I don't even
like drama.
I get the feeling he doesn't know how to act in sexual situations, but he does just fine until he falls flat. Tonight, and all but one night we shared, I was just about abandoned on my side of the bed. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, so I fled... or would have if my own car had been there. Instead I had to fumble for my belongings, walk out to his car, and sit in near silence as he drove me home.
Maybe it's every guy. "Sex only lasts as long as I can." Maybe I'm just hard to please. But I'm really hoping that one day I will be able to share in the moment. No longer brushed aside, forgotten in the dark. "You wanna cuddle?" Hell no, I don't want to cuddle. I want to cum. I want to see what the big fucking fuss is for. I want to see what life may be all about.
I really like him, but I need to feel wanted. It's hard to let go when I don't even know if I'm thinking clearly. I really want to chalk it up to PMS, hormones, being emotionally unstable... but I can't. He gives me no reason to think anything other than "I'm not worth the time."
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:03 |
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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Note to self: never dye hair black again... There is no escape.
I now have black hair... with BRIGHT RED roots.
Loverly.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 23:23 |
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Ashton Kutcher should never be allowed to make movies. Sure, he's some delicious eye-candy, but for his own sake... he should stop.
Steph, Amanda and I went to see The Butterfly Effect today. The plot had so many holes, and Mr. Kutcher couldn't hold up his end in a "serious" role.
The only good part was when he was telling his doctor and mom what his brain was going through, with a huge grin on his face. "Yep, I'm crazy. My brain is warping. A-ha-ha!"
I finally got my prom pictures developed. Gave about half of them back to the photo guy 'cause apparently shoving my camara into someone's face and snapping a shot doesn't make flattering pictures. But it sure was fun to do... 16 times. Good news: got the "good" shots for only $2.90.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:11 |
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I've decided to change my look... again. I now have a short bob, and I'm dying it a dark auburn tonight. Fun fun!
.:dr0wningophelia:. 15:32 |
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We're a close-knit family of backstabbers and degenerates.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 14:41 |
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Monday, April 12, 2004
If I'm gone when you wake up don't act surprised. It's been a long time coming. These X's on my hands are all that I feel; X's in my eyes, all I see. I'm numb, lost myself against this black backdrop. Red lines are drawing deeper into my skin. I want to feel alive; this seems the only way. Once I gather my courage, I will live forever.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 23:56 |
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Tonight Amanda, Steph and I went to see The Darkness at Gypsy Tea Room... Wowza, that was amazing... Even the opening band rocked. "Justin's hot, for a Brit." Steph, and her nearest "neighbor," almost got in a fight with a pushy, fucked-up lesbian. I poked a guy in his over-padded ass. We left before our heads exploded. All in all, a wondermous evening.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:29 |
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Sunday, April 11, 2004
I have one hell of a hangover.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 10:26 |
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Friday, April 09, 2004
I'm taking everything you say with a grain of salt. I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry you feel that way. I know we cannot be friends anymore, but I'm okay with that. I see that I have gone against our friendship and you're angry, but before this I never went behind your back on anything. I never took advantage of you. I never lied
to you, and I never told a lie
about you.
Thank you for being such an unbelievable bitch that I see just how small our friendship really was. Thank you for helping me exercise forgiveness.
The preacher's, Sunday sermon was, "Forgive Your Enemies."
He asked, how many have forgiven their enemies?
About half held up their hands.
He then repeated his question.
Now about 80 percent held up their hands.
He then repeated his question.
All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three." she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world."
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said: "It's easy, I just outlived those bitches."
.:dr0wningophelia:. 18:25 |
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Tuesday, April 06, 2004
I need to learn to be more assertive. I need to be able to say "no," or "goodbye," or "hey, I need you," without feeling that annoying pang of guilt. I'm stuck playing it nice instead of doing what I really want, and I'm sure it shows, even to those I'm trying to ham it up for.
These past few days I've been on the verge of tears for no reason at all. Nothing in my life is too bad to cope with. I haven't felt the urge to burn or to die. But I still get emotional over every little thing.
I keep getting the feeling that everything around me is going to leave. They're all going to die, or move away and forget about me. Maybe I deserve it, but what did I do? What didn't I do?
I realize I'm stubborn, and whiny and needy. I know I get on your nerves all the time. I can see how annoying I must be to you, but please don't go. We can heal the wound I caused. I have colorful band-aides for that knife in your back. I'll make it up to you somehow.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:27 |
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Monday, April 05, 2004
Alzheimer's Disease Linked to Depression
.:dr0wningophelia:. 23:37 |
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So, I'm finally getting around to writing about prom.
Steph got ready at my house so I could lace up her corset. My mom came by to fix our hair; I had a bun with two rabbi-ringlets on each side of my face... As soon as Mom left, I pinned them back. Not quite what I was looking for. Stephanie had her hair in a french twist. It was a little embarrasing to stumble around in my four-inch heels, but I made it through the night with nary a twisted ankle. Gee golly, we were hot!
Vanessa, Tyrell, Steph and I headed to Campisi's for dinner, and our waiter was gorgeous. Shaggy brown hair, deep green eyes... totally drool-worthy.
Prom itself was a little boring. Basically like being at school, only fancy. Derrick and Julie made Prom King and Queen *surprise, surprise*
Afterwards, the four of us went to IHOP and drank coffee, then to my house. We laid out a blanket in the backyard and sipped on Smirnoff Twists. Raspberry was delicious. We played poker with our fingers and Steph won: "I've got four kings and a king." I kept asking them to feel my boobs. I had happy boobs that night. Vanessa's boyfriend came to pick her up, and Tyrell, Steph and I went straight to sleep.
Not too much excitement, but it was tons of fun.
Pictures will be posted as soon as I get them developed.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 20:36 |
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.:dr0wningophelia:. 00:15 |
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Thursday, April 01, 2004
Finished product:
A girl sits outside of an old, yellow house on a small, rigid concrete patio, surrounded by varying shades of green and the smell of spring; an off-brand Eden. Ancient trees flare their budding leaves, dancing in the light wind like retired Vegas showgirls. Vines, tangled on the chain link boundary line, hide her from the outside world.
Strong sounds of machinery buzz all around her, periodically interrupted by the shrill cry of bird or bug. The neighbor's tilling up a new garden; ripping and chewing through a small patch of this third rock. A large air conditioner, hidden from the girl's view, growls to make its presence known; its insides whipping and churning, grinding and cooling. A nearby lumberyard resounds with the sound of men eager to return to their respective homes; leading giant, yellow forklifts back to the roost.
Closer still, within her world, her father's dog, a mutt with a head so disproportional to his body, he must fiercely wag his equally large tail to stay upright. The black head and tail hunch into a familiar position; the side-show canine looks strained as he forces out fresh pedigree poops. Lamb and rice from yesterday's dinner is birthed unto a reluctant mound of grass. Relieved, the mongrel runs off to bark at empty air, and disappears behind a tree.
Overhead, a dove lands on a high tree limb. Its head bobs and weaves; pops and locks; each step a timid one, looking not unlike a paranoid junkie. Grasping, watching. SPLAT! A milky brown stain on the earth below.
Suddenly it seems all sound has paused. A lonely star peaks through the trees, and crickets join the silence with their nighttime lullaby. A plane slices through the dirty-blue sky, heading toward a burning horizon.
The girl sighs, breathes in deep, absorbs the passing day. She stands, reaches for the heavens and slowly smiles. Another glorious ending. Bravo.
.:dr0wningophelia:. 12:46 |
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