Thursday, April 15, 2004

I have no idea what to think. I feel as though I'm the instigator. Always looking for trouble, looking for drama, when I don't even like drama.
I get the feeling he doesn't know how to act in sexual situations, but he does just fine until he falls flat. Tonight, and all but one night we shared, I was just about abandoned on my side of the bed. I wasn't sure how to handle the situation, so I fled... or would have if my own car had been there. Instead I had to fumble for my belongings, walk out to his car, and sit in near silence as he drove me home.
Maybe it's every guy. "Sex only lasts as long as I can." Maybe I'm just hard to please. But I'm really hoping that one day I will be able to share in the moment. No longer brushed aside, forgotten in the dark. "You wanna cuddle?" Hell no, I don't want to cuddle. I want to cum. I want to see what the big fucking fuss is for. I want to see what life may be all about.
I really like him, but I need to feel wanted. It's hard to let go when I don't even know if I'm thinking clearly. I really want to chalk it up to PMS, hormones, being emotionally unstable... but I can't. He gives me no reason to think anything other than "I'm not worth the time."

.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:03 | |