Wednesday, September 01, 2004

I haven't updated (really) in a while...
You know that room I've been talking about? The one I live in that screamed at me for abusing it? For Two Years?? It's been silenced. The monster living under my bed has been evicted. I can see and walk unafraid.
I've made a few more friends during my absense. Though I'm not sure how close I want or could get to them. I've been feeling very alone lately. Even in a room crowded with people, I feel as though no one understands me. Not that there's much about me to understand. I have no real thoughts anymore. The gears in my head must have rusted tight.
I'm not sure if every girl is this way, but I cannot be just friends with a guy. Even if I'm not interested, even if I'm utterly disgusted by the person, if we're alone I start wondering how his skin feels. Whether his hands are rough. How his breath might taste. I like the thrill of being chased. Like yearning for a car to collide with yours as you cross a big intersection. Just the anticipation... the jolt... the fear.
I'm not sure whether I'm afraid of a relationship, or if I'm just not sure I've found the right guy.


.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:54 | |