Wednesday, June 30, 2004

It's almost seven in the morning, and I just got back from Shawn's... 'Twas fun, what with the not-so-scary movie, Abby (the hyper-active pit-bull), and Shawn's soft skin.
Is it wrong of me to like him so much when he has a girlfriend, and I have a Dustin? Probably. Is it worse that I want to act on it so badly? I'd say yes, but I don't feel bad or guilty... Apparently my conscience has died. My guess: the drama as of late has pushed it to committing suicide.
I feel terrible that I didn't try harder to spend time with Val before she left. I drove her to the DMV for her driving test, but because the insurance card I had on me didn't actually start until July... as in TOMORROW... the tester-man wouldn't let her drive. She left yesterday at one, and I never really said goodbye, or see-ya-later... All I did was hug her... I'm going to miss her so much, but I know David needs her more. They should both come home now. Germany's too far away, and four years is almost forever.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 04:57 | |


Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Tim Stone came into work today... He asked me where I was going after summer... He's going to UTD. I'm going to hell.
This summer become out of control a little too fast for my taste. I've wasted the past month on alcohol and drugs, and that's just not something I do. I remember when I was a little squirt I wanted to be a business woman... with dress suits, and a briefcase, and a cell phone, and... a nice pen.... I can't even concentrate on one topic for long anymore... My motor-skills are dwindling... I can't think straight...
I can't even write anymore.
I'll try again later.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 22:23 | |


Thursday, June 24, 2004

Ogres have layers...

Layer One:

--Name: Elisabeth Noel Tidwell; very professional sounding, if i do say so myself... and I did... indeed.
--Birthdate: 3/17/1986, St. Patty's Day
--Birthplace: Irving, Texas
--Current Location: Carrollton, Texas
--Eye Color: Hazel
--Height: 5'5''
--Righty or Lefty: Righty
--Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Layer Two:

--Heritage: English, German, Irish, Cherokee
--The shoes I wore today: Black Chucks
--My weaknesses: Chocolate, and guys who can drive stick
--(some of)My fears: falling (not heights), flying insects, relationships, death, life
--Your perfect pizza: Meat Lover's with mushrooms, or chicken and pineapple
--Main goal in life: To never have goals

Layer Three:

--My most overused phrase on IM: heh, yeah, possums, MSGed
--My thoughts on first waking up: Don't have that problem
--Best physical feature: I've been told my butt, and my eyes
--My most missed memory: Annual trips to Hatfield, Arkansas

Layer Quatro:

--Pepsi or Coke: Coke
--McDonald's or Burger King: Neither. Wendy's is cheaper, Sonic has tater tots, and Jack in the Box has curly fries
--Single or group dates: I like group dates when I'm first getting to know someone, that way conversation doesn't lag so much
--Adidas or Nike: Converse, or Old Navy flip-flops
--Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton
--Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate
--Cappuccino or Coffee: Chai tea, or latte

Layer Five:

--Smoke: Four years, and coughing strong
--Cuss: Only when appropriate
--Sing: My life is a musical
--Take a shower everyday: Yep
--Do I think I've been in love: No. When I think it could be, I'm usually just caught up in the moment. I try not to put so much pressure on that anymore.
--Want to go to college: At the risk of sounding like a Magic 8 Ball, Try again later, I'm not sure
--Liked High School: Freshman year was cool, senior year was a drag, I'm glad to be out but scared shitless
--Want to get married: Of course. Will it happen? Maybe if one can get over being jaded
--Believe in yourself: Every now and then
--Get motion sickness: When I'm reading in a car, or playing on a swing
--Think you're attractive: Every now and then
--Think you're a health freak: No, you only live once. However, my dad recently bought a digital scale, and I'm now addicted to weighing myself.
--Get along with your parents: So long as they aren't riding shotgun while I'm driving, or trying to "help me" find direction in my life
--Like thunderstorms: Love 'em.
--Play an instrument: I used to play violin, I can play treble clef on piano, and I could sing before I coughed up my lungs

Layer 6:

In the past month...

--Drank Alcohol, Smoked, Done a Drug, Made Out, Gone on a Date, Been Dumped, Eaten an entire box of cookies, Been on Stage, Gone skating, Made Homemade cookies, Gone skinny dipping, Dyed your hair, Stolen anything: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, no.
--Eaten Sushi or Gone to the Mall: Yes

Lucky Layer Seven:

Ever...
--Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
--If so, was it mixed company: Of course
--Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No
--Been caught "doing something": Yes. And there are pictures to prove it
--Been called a tease: Yep
--Gotten beaten up: My brother used to have an anger problem, but then he found his wife. He never really beat me up, though... Just pushed me around and scared the bejeezus out of me
--Shoplifted: No
--Changed who you were to fit in: Sure

Layer Eight:

--Age you hope to be married: Mid 20's
--Numbers and Names of Children: Three; Cole, Caleb, Ophelia, Nyle, Gaia, or Pagan (Page for short)
--Describe your Dream Wedding: Cleverly disguised as a family reunion/picnic, I'm wearing a white sundress, he's in jeans and one of those "Tuxedo" T-Shirts, the only people "in the know" are the Justice of the Peace, my Maid of Honor (Steph), the Groom, and the Best Man... and me of course
--How do you want to die: I'd rather not
--Where do you want to go to college: Not sure that's in the book
--What do you want to be when you grow up: Alive
--What country would you most like to visit: Australia, Spain, Peru, Canada, Germany

Layer Nine:

What I look for in the opposite sex
--Best eye color: Blue, light brown, green, hazel.
--Best hair color: Black
--Short or long: Either way
--Best Height: A little taller than me. Probably 6'
--Weight: I like a little chunky-ness, though the V-lines on the pelvis are nice... and six-packs are nice...
--Best articles of clothing: Anything, so long as they look comfortable and confident
--Best first date location: Bowling, or karaoke, or a restaurant... anywhere you could have a conversation, so no concerts or movies on a first date
--Best first kiss location: The lips would be a nice place to start...?

Layer Ten:

--Number of drugs taken illegally: Three, if you count alcohol and cigarettes, which I do
--Number of people I could trust with my life: Nine
--Number of CDs that I own: About 160
--Number of piercings: Four, in my ears
--Number of tattoos: Two
--Number of times appeared in Newspaper: Community news, none; school news, no idea
--Number of scars on my body: Eight
--Number of things in my past that I regret: I try not to regret things. There's no sense in it

.:dr0wningophelia:. 02:09 | |


Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Steph and I just got back from Oaklawn... Police down there are so un-nice... and there was this... man...(?) with one high heel and one tennis shoe on.
Two police had a group of down-south black women pulled over (you know the type: hair net, bandana, house slippers and terry-cloth dress... I'm sorry if that was completely infested with bigotry), and we tried to get passed them to continue our journey of weird... One officer walked up to our car, shined his light into the windshield and glared at us. I pointed straight ahead, and he pointed behind us... very un-nicely.
Side note: Saturday was weird. Hotel-hopping, 5-hour long showers, and Bible paper. Room number 321. Bah.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 00:26 | |


Wednesday, June 16, 2004

David is in some city in Germany until the 20th of June. He does not have access to e-mail until then. He is staying in some condemned building, eating food locked in his suitcase to keep it from pilfering. I thought if you had the inclination to write, please do. He doesn't care what we write. He just likes to read about what might be going on in our lives at home, no matter how mundane. Thank you, Dwight Tidwell.

PFC Tidwell, David R.
527 M.P. Co.
CMR 452 Box 773
APO, AE 09045

Postage is only $.37

.:dr0wningophelia:. 14:59 | |


Tuesday, June 15, 2004

The Adventures of Mad Collin
Episode One: IHOP Scribbles


Look Closer


.:dr0wningophelia:. 12:47 | |


Monday, June 14, 2004

Driving home from Allen tonight, I look out my window into the mouth of a lion. Well, technically it was a Boston terrier, but the teeth on that thing were ferociously scary. Her name was Lily, and her owner was very happy to have freaked me out. Much obliged, thank you. Further down the road, I look to my right and see an older man driving a convertible Benz. I look away, hear him talking, look back and give the international "What did you say?" face. You know the one... Eyes go huge, corners of mouth point slightly down, head tilted a little to the left... He thought it was an invitation to flex his muscle, rev his engine and really tickle my fancy. Not so fast, Grandpa.
Ah, the things we see on Beltline.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 23:46 | |


Sunday, June 13, 2004

Oh my dear lord, it's WAY too hot outside. I swear my face melted off somewhere between Buggy and my front door. I'll go out and try to find it once the sun implodes.
Tonight I'm getting back to my old ways. No drinking tonight, thank you. I'm still drunk/high/hung over from the past three nights, and I needs me some IHOP rehab. Taking Amanda, Steph, Anna and Colin, and maybe even the boy, and this time I will not leave until I've kicked all their asses in Hearts.
But first, a nap.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 16:24 | |


Saturday, June 12, 2004

In a drunken stupor, last night at the boat house, I was brutally stabbed by a wooden chair. Dustin doctored me up with freezing water and an old sock, while reassuring me that he used to be a boy scout... Not sure how sanitary it was, but I was mighty proud of his MacGyver-ness.
Steph and Josh passed out in the boat; he wore a life jacket just incase. Alex ran interference between me and Dustin. Apparently we spend too much time on each other, and not enough yakking it up with the crew. He just tastes so yummy.
I'm still a little bit off, and it's been 12 hours since I stopped drinking... Thirteen since I weened myself from the pipe.
And I'm off to do it all over again.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 13:25 | |


Friday, June 11, 2004

So today was the day... Not MY day... but THE day.
Possibly the weirdest I've had in a while.
Dustin, Steph and I went to IHOP. After sitting for a few hours, and losing every card game, my phone rings. It's Logan. I haven't talked to him in a while, mostly because we blow each other off.
He's saying the sweetest things this time. That he loves me... That he'll steal me away if I'd let him... That we're getting married on Saturday, and he's sorry for breaking my heart... That he only has courage enough to call when he's drunk because he knows what he did was wrong...
So I agree to meet him tonight, but I'm bringing Steph and Dustin for back-up.
We load into Buggy, fill her up with gas and head out to Allen. Following the Yahoo! map directions, we finally make it, and sit in front of a sleeping house.
There's a light on in the front window... but I can't tap on it... I'm scared that it will be someone else's room... someone else's house... that it will be the right room, the right house, and I'll see Logan...
We sit in the car, watching two cats fight. I put all my money on the small black one. Gotta root for the Underdog... er, cat.
We're sitting there for thirty minutes, waiting for the phone to ring, or for him to magically know we're outside. Dustin's in stealth-mode, sneaking up to windows to peak inside... This isn't at all illegal, or freaky... but it reminds me to buy heavy drapes for my room.
I get the bright idea to drive by Shawn's house and see if maybe Logan walked over there, but as soon as I'm in the yard, walking up to the back gate, I want to be at home. So, we trek back to the car, Steph yells his name, I get embarrassed, drive off and chainsmoke down I75.
With the radio blasting "Better Man" by Pearl Jam, the song of the moment, I went out of my way to drive under the Spring Valley tunnel (three times), hoping it would cheer me up. Nothing like artificial sunlight beaming from a man-made sky.
I just know I'll forgive him, and either drive back on Saturday (ready for disappointment), or take my turn and blow him off once more. Tag, I'm it.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 01:42 | |


Thursday, June 03, 2004

I saw Jordan Noble at work last night. He's joining the Army in November.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 11:25 | |



The power just came back on. Man, do I love storms.
I spent the evening at IHOP with Clayton, Chris, Steph, Amanda, Morgan and Greg, watching the rainfall and lightning through windows streaked with fingerprints.
I've been thinking a lot lately about clearing my conscience; letting Jen know I'm sorry for not telling her about Robby. I'm just not sure how to start. I'm still really mad about what she said about me (I hope she gets pregnant, and you get an STD), but I guess it's to be expected. She was angry.
But tonight I heard that she told Greg I got pregnant, had an abortion and didn't graduate high school... It goes without saying that I was shocked (S-H-O-K-T, even). Why am I always the last to hear the news? I've never been pregnant a day in my life, and I'm pretty sure I didn't just dream walking across that stage on Saturday.
I still do want to apologize, if only to show that I can be the bigger person, that I realize when I've made a mistake, and that I don't try to tatter someone's image because it makes me feel vindicated. Aren't we out of high school yet? When does the petty bullshit end?
I liked Robby... but I don't think that's why my friendship with Jen ended. It ended because it had to. Because I couldn't go on pretending to believe her anymore.
But yeah... I'm sorry, I guess.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 00:17 | |