Sunday, January 11, 2004

I tired of having dreams about him. Last night I dreamed I was washing dishes with Stephen's dad. We got to talking, and I asked his for advice. He said I should just wait it out because Stephen only wants to be with her through the 25th for some show. I called Dustin, and he said I should just move on; he left me so he could have sex with her before going to Penn State. Why do I ask for advice in my dreams? Shouldn't I be walking on clouds, or playing cards with dogs? Something a little less here and now?
Wednesday night I started on my first personal experience paper for creative writing. Here's the beginning:

"The demons come for me at night, dragging me off to their far-off land, where skies are gray from dawn to dusk. They come for me inside my mind, slithering around and hiding behind paranoid thoughts. I fight them off as best I can, this time with a pen instead of a lighter, and still and come. Tonight they came and broke my heart, riding my spirit until it was tame.
"He blames it all on 'unfinished business,' as though I'll completely understand, or even sympathize, with his situation, and what he's going through. But for now I want to be selfish; for now I'm the only one feeling pain.
"I want to hate them both: her for taking the one thing I cherished, the one thing I considered mine alone; him for leaving me behind with nothing but promises that it will all be okay. I want to give back everything he ever gave me... Every gift, every 'I love you...' I want him to hurt as much as I do, but I don't want him to go."

It's basically a longer version of everything I write in here, and it's not done yet.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 10:17 | |