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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

god0fsound: i dont know who is feeding you this crap but it is not true: 1.I recently found out that he allowed me to think he was leaving me for Callie because he thought I'd be too jealous if they were friends. 2 I'm not his friend. I'm his "chauffeur."... 3. He always lies to me to hide his own ass ...ive lied to you twice...once about my father and about us possibly gonna be okay in a few weeks after that blew over...there have been no more lies to anything you have asked or to anyone about you and me or anything like that in general
god0fsound: i dont know what im doing wrong to make you think that i dont want to be your friend or that im lying to you or to make you believe the things that whatever or whoever is telling you
god0fsound: i dont understand at all
god0fsound: then again im sure i wouldnt or that im lying or something

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Auto response from dr0wningophelia: out
call the cell
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dr0wningophelia: why lie at all? everything else (even the lies themselves) doesn't matter to me. the fact that you lied to stay in my good grace, or whatever your reasoning, really makes me question everything you've ever said. i'm sorry if i came off as snobby, or pissed off. i was when i wrote that, but only because i only find out after the fact, and through other people who feel i should know, do i learn anything about what you think of me.
if you want to be with jessica, or callie, or even the mailman, i don't care. but why tell me otherwise? i'm a big girl, i can take it
dr0wningophelia: honestly, i do want to be your friend, it's just hard for me to listen to you right now because the thigns you say (or HAVE said) do not agree with what everyone else is telling me
dr0wningophelia: i'm gonna take a shower
i'll be back in thirty
dr0wningophelia: back
dr0wningophelia: i know i've been a bitch lately, but this is my way of getting over you. i go through stages, and self-pity/loathing is not my favorite one, so I skipped ahead to making you the bad-guy. a lot of what i think/write in here are just random thoughts. most of them i don't mean and would never really say, but it helps to get them out anyway. i just figure that when someone else is reading or listening, they understand my logic, or they understand that i'm only caught in the moment.
dr0wningophelia: and the thing about the chauffer was just a flashback of dating logan... if that makes any sense. i'm a paranoid person (as you know), and if anything reminds me of something else, i cling to it/despise it. i really don't mind giving you rides when you need them, or taking you out to lunch... in fact i enjoy still getting to spend time with you... i'm just scared


.:dr0wningophelia:. 00:32 | |