Thursday, January 29, 2004

Creative Writing assignment, as promised:
My eyes have that sunburned feel; huge relief when I close them. It makes it hard to stay awake, even after my 14-hour nap yesterday. Fourteen-hour nap... now there's an oxy-moron.
Last night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up until four arguing with Stephen, and with myself. I'd love to mockingly say, "I sure know how to pick them," but with Stephen I think I chose well. He's determined, funny, confident... Just because it's ending before I'm ready doesn't mean I should regret every trying.
I'm a sucker for musicians with dark hair and deep eyes. Jared the Techno-Teaser, Tony the Dickhead DJ, Logan the Runaway Rockstar... I have a long history of bad taste. Stephen fit the bill at first, except I trusted him.
Truth be told, he started as a rebound. I was with Logan at the time; an idiot from Allen who thought the road to success involved a bong and a bottle. Yes, a real winner... But he was fun, so I stuck around. After there months, I was finally tired of being dragged to strange parties, and forgotten over a bottle of Jack, so I worked on getting over him by getting under Stephen.
We were cute together. After the first month, we had visited every pond, and chased every duck in North Carrollton. I was narcoleptic; he was an insomniac, so we balanced each other out nicely. We'd have little slumber parties every weekend, and argue about the existance of Ninja-Pirate hybrid babies. We did everything together. I loved his family, and going to see his shows. I even loved just sitting around with him.
Today he's mad at me because I called him a liar in my journal. His defense was, "I only lied twice." What he doesn't understand is that I rant in my journal. I say I hate him when I don't. I say I can't picture myself without him, when I really just want a hug. Don't read my words, read the thoughts behind them: I feel betrayed, taken advantage of, made to look like a fool. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of clinging to an emotion that only I knew... Bah... I'm tired of thinking about that boy. I hate that I'm looking for reasons to hate him.
I have no problems being friends with someone after a breakup, but usually I have a little time to heal before we try for that. Stephen leaves for Penn State not long after graduation, and I'm afraid that if I take that time off, I'll lose him forever.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 13:00 | |