Wednesday, October 15, 2003

i'm not sure why i'm still hanging on to logan's memory. jen says it's because there was "no closure." maybe she's right. but would this be any easier if i had seen him one last time? or if i had heard him say it's over, instead of telling myself i had to move on?
logan was not ready for a relationship. he had his heart set on "becoming a rock star," and spent all his time running away from home, drinking and doing drugs. on the rare occasions that i did see him, i had to drive to allen, pay for everything we did or ate, and chauffer his friends around. why on earth did i want to stay with him?
the last time i talked to logan, he told me he loved me, and asked if i still felt the same. in truth, i didn't know. i had forgotten how i felt about him, because i didn't get to see him for weeks at a time, and couldn't talk to him for days on end. i could not rely on him for any kind of support because he was never there. i couldn't have faith in him because i didn't know how to believe in a life so different from my own.
so, now that i'm with Stephen, is it wrong of me to still be thinking of logan? am i a bad person because i miss a boy who had no influence on anything other than my spending and driving habits? is there a healthy way to speed up the process of getting over your past, so you can better focus on the present?

.:dr0wningophelia:. 17:55 | |