Monday, August 11, 2003

I cannot believe I'm a senior in high school in less than a week.. six days. I am growing up way too fast, and I do not want move out of my parent's house... well, I do want to move, I just don't have to have bills to pay. David's leaving for the army on September 11th. Kinda freaky; not the date itself because of the "history" behind it, or whatever, but just the fact that he's not gonna be here. I won't have my brother to bother me; I won't get to bother him. I will have his car... Transportation's nice. It's more fun when I can say I'm stealing my brother's car. Hmm... I am currently dating Logan... Not really sure what to think about that right now... We have been together three... four weeks... two or three... we'll say three weeks... and he's already told me he loved me... I've already told him I love him... We've already had sex... It's a little scary. We moved into it really fast. First day we met, we were already in this relationship. I'm kinda scared that he's backing off, now that everything has come out. Maybe we both just wanted to be with someone, and not really with each other, just someone. I mean it's not that I don't like him, or that I don't have big feelings for him, but I doubt that he really loves me, and I'm not too sure that I really love him... He's sweet, and I like him a lot... when I get to see him. Hmm.. I went to Arizona to visit Aunt Debbie, and Uncle Robert, my cousins and my grandma this weekend. It was really fun. I actually felt like part of the family. Found out a lot of interesting things. Logan asked me to get him a peace pipe... and I told my Grandma Love 'cause I know she's into Native Americans... and she actually said that she would send me off with her's, but it had resin in it, and she didn't want me getting in trouble. So I went to a head shop and just bought him one for about $10. That's another thing I don't really like. I'm paying for everything in this relationship. He has a job... he's in debt with Sean, but I paid for a fucking hotel room, I pay for dinner everytime that we get together, I bought him a pipe... Why did I buy him a pipe? I dunno. I don't even like smoking pot... Seems like he's always high or drunk around me... Like I'm not good enough when he's sober, but I don't want to bring that up because I'm afraid it will just bring more drama. I'm also afraid that the main reason he's backed off is because I told him I might be pregnant. I don't think I'm pregnant. I hope I'm not. But the condom came off, and spilled inside me... If I'm pregnant I am not keeping it. We're not going to be together forever; I don't want to have a kid with someone who's not going to be there with me. I don't want to have a kid *period* right now. Pecker is way too much responsibility on his own. Stephanie got in a wreck... she's not allowed to drive her parent's car anymore, they won't let her... I've crashed my dad's car so many times, it's not funny. Once into a gas pump, once Deven drove it into a gas pump... and then, the other time, into a pole at mom's apartment... I actually bought scratch touch-up paint... but I haven't used it yet, so hopefully he won't notice. Well, it's like 11:45 at night, and I'm tired of staying up... I'm gonna catch some Z's... bye bye.

.:dr0wningophelia:. 21:30 | |